Who on
Earth thought that such a ludicrous concept would ever fly as a serious movie?
This movie might have worked as a comedy. But it takes itself absolutely
seriously, so that the comedy is unintentional, and that’s the worst kind of
comedy.
There’s so much
wrong with this movie that I don’t even know where to begin.
I guess
I’ll start with the subtitle, “Vampire Hunter.” The titular character doesn’t
actually do any vampire hunting in the movie. Rather, a renegade vampire feeds Lincoln the address of a vampire, and Lincoln goes to the address and slays the
vampire. Where’s the “hunting” in that? Lincoln
is a vampire slayer, not a vampire hunter, so the movie goes wrong right at the
title.
There’s
also not much of a plot. Lincoln slays vampires
on the way to his presidency, and when he gets to be president, he keeps on
slaying, until the head vampire’s plan to take over the United States
at the Battle of Gettysburg is thwarted. The movie is more like a travelogue
detailing Lincoln ’s
secret life on the way to the White House.
The movie
loses all credibility when Lincoln
starts swinging his axe and slaying vampires like he’s the chick from Resident
Evil. The sight of a dignified American icon moving like a Ninja is beyond
ludicrous.
Then there
are the actors themselves. Honestly, every single actor in this movie looks
like a refugee from a comedy. Their hairstyles are comical, their facial
expressions are comical…To a man, every second they’re on screen, they look
like they’re all about to bust loose with a joke or a punch line.
I saw this
movie in 3D, and even the 3D sucked.
All that
being said, the period set pieces were really nice. If this movie were a
Western, or a genuine biography of Abraham Lincoln, it would have looked great.
Avoid this
movie at all costs, unless you’re looking for a good laugh.
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